Otra de traducciones absurdas

Ya sabéis de mi afición a comparar las traducciones que nos ofrece Google o cualquier sistema traductor igualmente perverso y jocoso. Hoy he realizado un experimento con uno de mis relatos, originalmente en catalán. La versión inglesa, que ha sido la primera ya ha salido hilarante a más no poder.

Como también sabéis -quienes me hayan seguido y sigan a estas alturas- mi afición por los concursos (¿os acordáis de los de cine?), os planteo un reto: Dar la versión correcta en castellano. En catalán ya existe, es el original. Y ahora no pido toooooda la versión, sino la solución a unos cuantos enigmas que la traducción del bisho ofrece. Al final, propongo los enigmas a solucionar.

¿Preparados? ¿Listos? ¡¡Yaaaaa!!

A love story between cuts

Well see, now I will tell my short story of love at maturity because you get so heavy and onlookers.

Now, very soon, I will marry for the first time in my 50 odd years. And I'm really, really excited. When I was a young girl was very soups and anything not tied, but anything ... Even the garlic that was always something my older sister. Then came the work, and independence, and studied for the night. I hate clubs. The 70 pubs of course, it was another thing. Went far in the coffee plantation Musiquero Santaló Barcelona street (or street was another of those? Oh, God, what a memory!) To listen to singers who were there and heard songs like "Te Recuerdo Amanda" or of Clara ... UIS!, Excites me to think about it. But this was still when it was so and so girl soup. No, do not even have time to sleep. Less than 6 hours and whoops! St again that there's nothing. Fell on the bed like a sack of potatoes ...

Which speak of my love? I said I married? Ah, of course! Yes, that's right ... Where the heck was going?

Turns out I was first unemployed, long-term unemployed and I wanted for nothing. No good, of course. I've done everything from selling cosmetics, poll (and I paid a widespread custom for lots of years), attending a small business phone full of henchmen, a waitress in a beach bar and breakfast meals, a place for these families. And what a pussy family! Heavy, heavy. I gave private lessons to review English (which come to the wrong show!), Also in Spanish, I have massages but I left because I sold all of the men who wanted full service. And look at me as they did from the feet until the last root of the hair if they had but still, they wanted the "full". And if you say you are taking to massage the synonym ...

What? Now what? Why talk about marriage? What wedding? ... Ah, of course! But although they had to explain how I got to know my future husband and screwed, right?

Let's see. We went because I had been out of work after 30 years at a company, a heck of plant essences that has gone through fifty thousand hands. And that had become assessor worked with perfumer and perfume house here in the country, by a very good and I liked a lot. But nothing, sell these holdings brutal and seemingly, all to hell! Continue the business but with much less personal, with one factory that produces all over the world.

Then came the time to do anything but "full service". No, I am me and no one touches me a lot that does not sound. And I began to find myself wrong and wrong until I was sent to the group of chronically ill, the scrap. And as bored, so what could I do? Go to the CAP (the health center they say) to go to xerradeta and emergencies when they could no longer bored. That the pension has not been sick to go to concerts even if the chicken or subscribe to posts "coolest" and "cool".

There, the CAP is where I met Paco. What tiarró! It's great to see, Paco. Well, it must be said, has problems with arthritis of rheumatism, circulation, wearing a prosthesis for a left hip injury he suffered in his right knee and a key for another accident. Have hypertension, cholesterol should take care though ... is very moderate, is a little esconyadet, poor little me, but ... What tiarró! I love a beneitona and all of us was really good because, well, we share the drugs and I shall have no more trouble finding someone with me that I need to go to each school for testing, controls and all these stories. Now, with the cuts I have to go half the province of Barcelona because everything I have to do it at a different center. What a bunch of gamarusos! Know a lot of planning. And never wrong, Noooo!

Then we get married soon, the day of the Immaculate for that week will close almost all hospitals and not to mention the CAP. Ours is the service that are not emergencies, so take advantage. And we can make preparations calm because we know that my carpal tunnel operation was postponed sine die. As the ligaments of the knee, which also got me a bad and evil! But I am a footballer and my case is of no importance. Luckily the problem is the left arm and I will bring flowers to the right because the other hand I have always falls asleep and all. Never had so many dishes such as brittle! Which was never broken a plate. Now I break my dishes by hand and dented pots protester killed me with Indignant. This is very tedious and my arm but after waiting almost a year and a half, I have come to take me a little better. Now if I find this mob of cuts, will go well with hot fotimer of mastegots will receive! Of course!

How I love Paco!

1. I was a young girl was very soups and anything not tied, ... ¿Qué diablos se supone que he querido decir?

2. The 70 pubs of course, it was another thing. ... ¿De qué 70 pubs hablo? ¿O es otra cosa?

3. Went far in the coffee plantation Musiquero Santaló Barcelona street... ¿Existe tal cosa como una plantación de café en la calle Santaló de Barcelona? ¿Existió alguna vez? ¿O que otra cosa puede ser?

4. St again that there's nothing... Esta traducción es muy curiosa. Corresponde a una expresión catalana muy concreta. ¿A qué expresión catalana me refiero?

5. That the pension has not been sick to go to concerts even if the chicken or subscribe to posts "coolest" and "cool". ... Hasta este punto ya han salido muchas frases enigmáticas pero si hay una que encuentro divertida es ésta (y se trata de poner sólo 10 preguntitas de nada). ¿Existe tal cosa como una pensión enferma? ¿Y a pesar de su enfermedad, puede asistir a conciertos? El resto es inenarrable pero tratad por favor. ¿Qué pintan unas gallinas aquí?

6. ... that I need to go to each school for testing, controls and all these stories. ¿Por qué se supone que debo (1) ir a CADA escuela para pruebas y ensayos? ¿Qué historias son ésas?

7. What a bunch of gamarusos!  Esta frase sí que ha quedado genial, pero genial. Creo que a partir de ahora voy a utilizarla en mi vocabulario diario.  ¿Qué significa? ¿Qué debería decir?

8. But I am a footballer and my case is of no importance. ¿Yo soy eso que dice? Y si fuera o fuese eso, ¿no tendría importancia?

9. Now I break my dishes by hand ... ¿Por qué han utilizado la preposición by aquí? ¿Cómo traducís la frase?

10. ... and dented pots protester killed me with Indignant. ¿Por qué han puesto Indignant así, con mayúscula? ¿Y que clase de manifestante me mató?

Bis. ... will go well with hot fotimer of mastegots will receive! ¿Significado, por favor?

Y esta ha sido la lección de inglishpikinglish por hoy. Para el próximo día se traen estudiado el mapa, que hablaremos de los pueblos indios, nativos americanos, también al más puro estilo Google.

Buenas tardes y buena suerte!


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(1) La primera persona que utilizo incluso en preguntas, ni caso. Es para no poner "la protagonista tal y cual". La protagonista NO SOY YO. Así que no hace falta que me feliciteis por mi próximo matrimonio, como han hecho algunas personas al leerlo,  porque no hay tal. Y tampoco existe el tal Paco. Un señor que padezca de todos esos problemas, eso posiblemente sí.

Digamos aquello de que "Los personajes y hechos aquí relatados son ficticios. Cualquier coincidencia es pura casualidad".